Spirited Away

I do have a spirited child, in spite of what outsiders may tell me to my face. Why else would I have had my big toenail kicked off in Menards' parking lot? Is there a good practical reason to tear apart the fabric cover to my son's car seat, remove the piping, and then stitch it back up by hand? Not that I'm bitter. I'm not. I'm just saying this particular child is difficult. And tonight's adventure was the culmination of probably four years of toilet fear, building up and bubbling over until we all lost it. I've been making my six (almost seven) year-old son flush the toilet after he's used it. This, I have imagined, goes as follows in other, normal households:

Mom: Flush the toilet.

Kid: Oh yeah, I forgot!

(the sound of flushing)

In our house, it normally goes like this, but I will add tonight's extra special drama, because it is so noteworthy that I laughed through it.

Mom: Flush the toilet.

Kid: I don't want to! You do it!

Mom: Flush it.

Kid: It's going to overflow! You do it! Pleeeeease!!! I don't want to! I don't want to! (running naked out the door)

Mom: (wrestling the naked child back into the bathroom) You are six years old. Do not be afraid of the toilet. A toilet is created by a person. I can stop it from overflowing! I'm right here, here is the plunger (indicating with a nod of the head), I have the ability to stop it from overflowing!

Kid: (screaming crazily) Don't make me do it! This is the scariest thing I've ever had to do!!! I hate it! I hate it!

Mom: Why are you so afraid? What's the worst that could happen? I'll tell you the worst: the toilet could overflow. There will be a mess for me to clean up off the floor, and I'll have to plunge the toilet. Not a big deal. I can stop the water from flowing. I can shut off the water valve. It's NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF!

Kid: (screaming, crying) Don't make me do it! Don't make me do it!

Mom: (holding child's hand on the handle, almost ready to flush) WE'LL DO IT TOGETHER!

Kid: DADDY! DADDY!

*it must be noted at this point that Daddy is not home

You're not my Mom! You're the worst Mom in the world for making me do this! Daddy is the best! He's my Daddy AND my Mommy now! You're not my Mommy anymore!!!

*FLUSH*

(high-pitched screaming from not just this one child, but the toddler in the bathtub watching this whole thing and also the baby who had JUST FALLEN ASLEEP)

Sigh.

Seriously? The toilet? It's a good thing this was all hilarious, and there was no blood involved.

I wonder what everyday object will challenge us tomorrow...

In other news, I'm supposed to bake two dozen cookies for a meeting of a group for which I am an officer, but cannot show up to. Did that make sense? We are heading to St. Louis for a week while John attends a librarian conference. I'm trying to play catch-up on all the stuff that needs to get done in order to go and to be gone. Sleep should be on the list, but it's not. Oh, dang! We need trash bags! Gotta go!

Thanks to Home Alone, my son has a new vocabulary word

Last night, as I was helping Linus out of the bath, I was experiencing micro heart attacks from his relentless jumping. You know what I mean, the child is dripping from head to toe, slamming his heels in his own puddles, lock-kneed, ready to just land on that fat dimply bottom. And I'm there telling him, "Let me dry you off, the floor is wet, you're going to fall." To which he is simultaneously jumping and answering LOUDLY, "No. No, it isn't! No, I'm not!" And the second that towel was out of his way, he shook his dimply bottom, dropped one shoulder, cocked his head to one side and said, "I'm a little jerk." Emphasis on the "jerk," which he said in a slower, deeper voice, complete with the toddler standard mispronounced "r." He promptly ran naked throughout the house on what we now call the Linus circuit. If he's naked, he runs until he is forced into some clothing. No surface is safe, really, so don't take his clothes off unless you plan to bathe him. It was easy to find him last night since he kept saying, "I'm a little jerk."

Today, John pointed at Linus and told me we will have to lock the car keys in the safe every night. I laughed. He said, "It's not funny."

Is it possible that EVERY MONDAY MORNING has to be a homeschooling NIGHTMARE?!?!

My six-year-old boy is giving me an ulcer, I swear. The amount of energy he uses to question my authority on whether or not I should put the 3 + 4 = 7 flash card back into the deck is exhausting! Sorry for the Debbie Downers, everyone, but I just saved my husband yet another Monday email stating, "I quit."

In other news, everyone is still in their pajamas. 11 am.

My girl and my new* boy

Well, Eilean did well at her competition. It was quite spread out over 3 days, and we did the trek with Grandma and Grandpa most events. Although, I must say, I'm really sad I skipped out on her first event, which was her compulsory. She won first place. I missed it. But Daddy and Grandpa didn't, and that is such a great thing for her.

The past two days have been the Hearts at Home conference here. So much just went into my brain, and so much spiritual food went into me, that it may take months to digest it all. Will be writing about it soon. Right now, I'm distended.

During the conference, a young man from Uganda came upon the mainstage and made a plea to all of us emotional mothers for Compassion International. Well, the packets came around, and let me tell you, I was sitting there, not paying much attention to the rest of that morning session just waiting and waiting to see the face of the child that I KNEW would be right for my family. I have wanted to adopt a boy from Africa for about 6 years now, I don't know exactly why, but my heart has a deep connection with children I have never met. Anyway, *this is nothing at all like adoption, just a small monetary donation every month to contribute to his education and well-being. I brought home the packet for John to "think about." He gave me the go-ahead today, and I was overjoyed. I don't think John feels the same way I do, and I don't want to press him to toss money about to this and that organization. This is the first time that we have, as a married couple, contributed to anything more worthy than the cause of Girl Scouting. But I do think that over time, he will if not agree with me about helping others around the world, he will come to see my feelings for these children.