You will need the following for your training:
-a friend, or possibly two, who can follow directions to re-enact this typical day in parenting
-a hamster ball
-a motorized, battery-operated car
-several opened boxes of cereal, crackers, etc.
-Fig Newtons
-something sharp and dangerous, perhaps a mirror shard, or broken CD case
-kettlebell, or some other weighty object, like a pillowcase full of rocks
Scene 1
Child A: Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
Child B: I'm hungry. I want my candy. I want my candy. I WANT MY CANDY!
Mom: (ignoring A, speaking to B) I can tell that you need to go potty, let's go together now, it'll be fun!
Child B: (dancing vivaciously) I don't have to go POTTY! I have to EAT CANDY! No! No! No!
Mom: Let's go now.
Mom picks up Child B under the armpits, which results in a slip-through (see Notes for the Actor, below). Mom then attempts to pick up B again and carry B into the bathroom. An important wardrobe note for this scene: Mom is dressed in pajamas and has some cereal crumbs stuck to the soles of her feet.
Child A: Mommy! Mommy!
Mom: What?!?
Child A: Look at what I drew! (shoves drawing into Mom's face) Look: this is what I dreamed about last night. This is you, only you don't look like yourself because you have hooves and you are wearing this green striped shirt that looks almost exactly like the one you have except this one in my dream has no sleeves, and here is the grass which was really funny since it's orange. I don't know why it's orange, but it is. This is the magical rainbow horse who can talk, but I can't remember what she said right now. Let me think...
Mom: (catching her reflection) I have hooves...
Child B: I don't want to go potty! I don't want to go potty! (loosed from Mom's grasp, B runs into bedroom and is completely silent)
Mom: Where are you?!? (nearly trips over Child A, who is still waving the drawing around and chattering about it)
It is now time for stagehands to release the toddler and crawling infant (which are the kettlebell for Mom to pick up in one hand, without even really noticing that she has done so, and the battery-operated car inside the hamster ball. Both of these need to be in the bathroom, followed by Child B, who suddenly needs attention again.)
Child B: Uhh... Mom?
Mom: What?!?
Child B: I had an accident.
Mom: (sighs, puts down heavy object) All right, let's get you cleaned up.
Child B: I love you, Mommy.
(Use the Fig Newtons here to simulate cleaning up of a big mess. It must get under the fingernails to be completely authentic. Sound of sobbing coming from off-stage, this is Child A, upset about being ignored. Hamster ball is no longer in the bathroom, possibly not even in the house.)
Mom: I love you, too, sweetie. (steps onto sharp object)
End Scene
Notes for the Actor:
Wardrobe for "Mom" can include anything comfortable, such as pajamas, or anything appropriate for cleaning, but not good enough to wear out of the house. Also, her hairstyle must be such that a glimpse in the mirror makes her want to cry.
A "slip-through" can be accomplished mainly by anyone under the age of 8, but can be simulated by an adult if done properly. First, you must care nothing about what will happen to your body, because it will drop to the floor, and you must take off running immediately. To achieve it, go completely boneless once you have been grabbed under your armpits, drop, and run. Simple, elegant, liquid.
